Pardon the absence, y’all.
Howard and I got hitched
Our (large) wedding party
Me and my main squeeze
Some of our signature dance moves
Leaving the reception!
And then we moved into the Breeze. (one of many Philly neighborhoods)
These days we are adjusting and enjoying married life.
I cooked breakfast this morning– grits and eggs. H. ate them all, God bless him, even though I over salted the grits. So far in this partnership, I’ve been the cooker of dishes and he’s been the cleaner of dishes. I let him chop and stir and set the table, but by and large my preoccupation with creative control has extended into the kitchen and I jealously guard my territory. I go grocery shopping, I hold the grocery money, I plan the meals, etc. etc. There is a small part of me that resents how traditional that is, how predictable, how statistical, even. According to a survey done in the UK in 2005, women spend twice as much time as men in the kitchen every day (54 minutes compared to 27). Across the board, women spend more time contributing to the running of the household, the most significant difference being in the “Cleaning, Tidying” category– a dizzying 34 minute difference, almost four times the amount that men spend spiff-ing up the place.
Let’s be perfectly clear– there’s nothing wrong with the way that Howard does any of the household chores. I just don’t like the way he does it, and I am particular about domestic everything. I like my bed made a certain way, my grits a certain thickness, a certain degree of mayonnaise on my sandwiches at lunch. So… since I want all these things so certain… I make the bed, I make the breakfast, and I do all our meal-planning.
Are other women hogging the executive decisions in their household?
Times are changing. Folks my age are getting married later and later in life or not at all. Same-sex households are becoming more common. Women are working full-time and living alone. And by and large, men are adapting quite well to these changes. Blogs are popping up all over the world wide web that cater to the growing number of men present in the kitchen for a variety of reasons, like Food Republic, which was founded on the premise that “guys everywhere are putting food at the center of their lives like never before” and the intriguing, Cook to Bang with its straightforward subtitle, “Recipes to get you laid.”
In fact, researchers who conducted the UK survey referenced earlier coined the term, “gastrosexual,” when referring to upwardly mobile masculine men ages 25-44. Young men are getting in the kitchen more and more, and though the difference in the division of household labor along gender lines is still significant, the gap is closing all the time. Men seem to be voluntarily taking a bigger role in the household– and enjoying it.
All that said to say, maybe I’d like the way Howard made the grits… if I made some room at the stove.